Week 15: Travel Logs of a Dallas Cowboys Junkie

Every week I have been journeying to distant lands in search of oracles, wisemen, witch-doctors and anyone with knowledge of the future. Last week, I met with a Council of Elders on a remote island populated by semi-nomadic Native Americans. This week my travels continued north.

I decided to venture up to the Arctic in search of the mysterious Inuit ‘shaman’. Most people believe that the Inuit no longer have wisemen practising shamanism, so just about everyone I encountered scoffed at me and went to great lengths to explain my idiocy. I don’t think I have ever utilizes so many different modes of transportation in such a short amount of time. As you go father north, the water is all frozen, so we had to abandon our giant canoes and begin travelling over land.  Eventually there were no more roads, so the truck was exchanged for 4-wheel all-terrain vehicles. Before the day ended on the ATV’s, we hit the snow cap; everything was covered in at least a foot of snow, so the ATV’s were useless. We traded them in for snowmobiles. These giant machines run on ski’s, but they are incredibly fast. The exhilaration of driving one of these beastly machines is reason enough in itself to plan a vacation in Alaska or somewhere with a ton of snow. The father north you go, the harder and harder it gets to buy gasoline because there just aren’t any people for hundreds of miles in any direction. The fear of being stuck in the middle of nowhere in sub-zero temperature with no gas led me to give up the snowmobile for a sled and team of dogs.  For the last two days of our trip, we plodded along with our sled and team of 11 dogs.

After what seemed like weeks of gruelling and exhausting travel under extremely unpleasant conditions, I finally arrived at Somerset Island in the territory of Nanavut. Our arrival caused quite a stir with the locals, but that made it easier for us to gain access to the purported shaman. He explained, through the translator, that some Inuit wisemen still practice the ceremonies of their ancestors from thousands of years ago.

He explained that being a shaman meant that you had the ability to enter the “other-world” and that he actually ceased ling, or died, in order to pass over to this world, but that that he could resuscitate himself after receiving messages to bring back to this world. He reluctantly agreed to enter this world and search for any information about the Dallas Cowboys. He stopped breathing and his body appeared lifeless for more than 15 minutes. When he returned, he said that he saw tremendous success in the future for the Cowboys, and that their success would cause momentous changes. For a complete explanation of these inevitable and colossal changes, please click here.


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