In a calculated and unprecedented move by Dallas Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban, best friendship was offered as a way to lure Dwight Howard to the city of Dallas this offseason. The “Best Friend Campaign” has been proposed, voted on, and passed in the most recent Dallas City Council meeting obligating all Dallas residents to officially proclaim Dwight Howard their new best friend.
Said local Dallas resident Randy Rogers,
I grew up next door to by buddy Dale. He’s been my wingman, my best man, and the godfather to my kid. He’s really been my best friend for as long as I can remember. It’s gonna be tough to replace him with Dwight, but it needs to be done.
Indeed it does need to be done. We all know Dwight Howard needs everyone in the world to like him. He wears the Superman logo because he’s a hero and everyone loves a hero, right? He couldn’t tell the city of Orlando how he really felt so he strung them along. Everyone knows you don’t end a relationship until you have a new one lined up. It’s the classy thing to do.
Dwight Howard is currently with LA and he hasn’t turned his back on them yet. He’s looking around to see if he can score a prettier girl before he says anything. Could Dallas be prettier than LA?
Mark Cuban invested $1.2M in research to discover what makes Dwight Howard tick. The answer was love. Unwavering (and unreciprocated) love. And so the Best Friend Campaign was born.
So at 12:01 EST Cuban sent D12 a text message asking if they can be “Besties”. Howard responded quickly with “IDK CU Tuesday in Dalla$$$”
No word yet on where Fort Worth and the surrounding areas stand on the Best Friend Campaign. We will keep you updated as news becomes available.
Note: Sadly I must state this article is in jest and NOT actual news. Although the point is clear: Dwight loves him some Dwight and he needs to be in a place where everyone also loves them some Dwight too. If Cuban and the Mavericks can make him feel special they have a shot. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea…maybe Cuban will pay me $1.2M for these findings…
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