Game by game predictive tale of the Dallas Cowboys 2020 season

ARLINGTON, TX - OCTOBER 14: Dallas Cowboys (Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images)
ARLINGTON, TX - OCTOBER 14: Dallas Cowboys (Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images) /
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Los Angeles Rams vs Dallas Cowboys (Photo by Jayne Kamin-Oncea/Getty Images)
Los Angeles Rams vs Dallas Cowboys (Photo by Jayne Kamin-Oncea/Getty Images) /

Week1: Dallas Cowboys at Los Angeles Rams

The month has changed from August to September, which means the Cowboys of Dallas must start their great expedition in the year of our lord 2020. Led by Chief Michael McCarthy and head sheriff Rayne Dakota Prescott, the 55 men travel on horseback to the west coast. This time, however, the horses sense something odd and elect to travel a bit southwest of the usual destination.

Along the way, deputy sheriff Amari Cooper spots out of the corner of his eye, a logo that looks like a ram with an afro. He yells, “the opposition is coming!” It was at this point Prescott and McCarthy knew the road ahead would be difficult. With assistant chief Kellen Moore by his side, McCarthy has Moore draw up something so rarely used in Dallas, a zone read.

With the herd of Rams all attacking towards the sheriff, Prescott had to think fast. While moving to his right, he notices an open stable; perhaps this was the place all the Rams were let loose from. With the sound of his loud voice, he directed his Cowboys towards the big stable.

The Rams angrily charged towards the fleeing Cowboys. The duress didn’t faze Prescott. With the charging Rams running right towards him, he sent deputy Ezekiel Elliott into the stable. The fake-out was all he needed. The Rams followed suit into the stable and Elliott was able to escape as his horse hurdled over the lowered fence.

The team rounded up the Rams and elected to go back home looking to avoid any more trouble on the west coast… for now.

Dallas 27, LA 23

Week 2: Atlanta Falcons vs Dallas Cowboys

After an action-packed trip to the sunny west coast, the team returned home to a happy Dallas-Fort Worth area. However, before the Cowboys could step off the horseback, a black cloud seemingly appeared out of nowhere. However, this was not a regular black cloud. Deputy sheriff Michael Gallup knew these black clouds better than anyone.

“My friends, it seems our next opposition is here. They have come in the form of an aerial assault unlike any other. We must control the pace and disrupt their defensive maneuvers.” The giant cloud of Falcons swooped below looking to wreak havoc on the residents of the greater Dallas-Fort Worth area.

The birds showed their physicality blitzing from just about anywhere. Initially, sheriff Prescott struggled to free his arms from the grasp of the Falcons talons. But seemingly out of nowhere, the Falcons blitzing was becoming less effective. Space was being created, and it was with the help of a man so legendary he was often known as “Greg the Leg.”

A kick to his left, a kick to his right, the separation was being created. Eventually, it reached sheriff Prescott. With a few seconds more to spare, sheriff Prescott revved up his sidearm and threw his rope in the direction of the lamb, Cedarian Lamb. Holding on ever so tightly, the sheriff’s horse spun around so quickly it threw the lamb around knocking the last line of Falcons.

Alas, the Falcons looked defeated crying of mercy. In a last-chance effort, two falcons charged towards the team but the whip of deputy Leighton Vander-Esch proved too powerful and thus ended the reign of terror for the week.

Atlanta 17, Dallas 31

Week 3: Dallas Cowboys at Seattle Seahawks

After the fear of the predatory birds stunned the residents of the greater Dallas-Fort Worth area, the Cowboys once again continued their great expedition in the year of our lord 2020. It, unfortunately, saw them heading back to the west coast, specifically the pacific northwest. This area was known for its rainy conditions and deafening noises.

After a long trip, the cavalry stops in the downtown of Seattle. In an attempt to give the horses a break, the men looked to enter the nearest saloon. On their quest for some fun, Lieutenant colonel Zack Martin noticed what he thought was a shrill scream. He froze confused while everyone else walked along. Another scream came to the attention of lieutenant colonel Tyron Smith. The noise started growing and the men knew what was happening.

Without their horses and weapons readily available, seahawks of the species Petus Carrollus attacked. The physicality of Seahawks surprised the Cowboys and it seemed like every time the men had a chance to turn the tables, the famed seahawk Russell Wilson came to bail his flock out. The sidearm of sheriff Prescott seemed to have no value as his men showed a lack of preparedness.

Dallas 24, Seattle 27

Week 4: Cleveland Browns vs Dallas Cowboys

Arriving home from their failed trip to the pacific northwest, the Cowboys needed the support of the residents from the greater Dallas-Fort Worth area. However, it seemed there would be a flux of people from the midwest arriving into town famously named, the Dawg Pound.

After facing Falcons, Rams, and Seahawks, a group of big dogs seemed like easy work for the Cowboys. However, the Cowboys couldn’t have anticipated how fast these big dogs were. Expecting a physical battle, the Cowboys quickly realized this battle would only be won if they could cover as much ground as the dogs.

At first, the Chubb dog barreled his way past captains DeMarcus Lawrence, Gerald McCoy, Tyrone Crawford, and Dontari Poe knocking all four of them off their horses. Eventually, with some room available to make their next maneuver, the Mayfield Dog tried to throw the Beckham and Landry dogs in the direction of sergeants Trevon Diggs, Reggie Robinson, and Anthony Brown.

The Cowboys were able to counter everything the Dawg Pound did with the help of commander Blake Jarwin. Sheriff Prescott was able to wind up his sidearm and throw his rope towards Jarwin. The power and strength of the two stymied all the dogs in the middle of their block.

With an extremely offensive battle on our hands, sheriff Prescott winded up his sidearm once more. This time the end of the rope landed in the hands of deputy Gallup and the two forced the dogs to retreat to their people.

Cleveland 31, Dallas 35